my sweet lord

I decided that enough was enough, so I started preparing my laptop for a complete memory wipe. Sure, I will probably lose 60% of my music but it’s just sitting there doing nothing so I might as well live with the music that’s still on my iPod. As I was mentally saying goodbye to my files, I realized that there was no way to back up the 1,000+ pictures I had stored. So naturally I began looking through old pictures, seeing what I could salvage, and came to two startling conclusions. One, I can’t believe that in 2006 I rocked a full chin strap beard and hair down to my shoulders. Two, Krista and I took a lot of pictures. Like, over a hundred in a little less than a year. Yet there was one that stood out above the rest that pretty much captured the essence of our relationship: she looked lovely, and I looked like a goofy asshole. But that’s not the point.

I decided a while ago to stop being so damn sentimental (and I was doing so well) but for some reason I picked that picture as the sole survivor of the laptop cleansing. The picture doesn’t make me sad or mad or happy. It’s just funny, and that’s all I think of it. I don’t long for the time the picture was taken, nor would I reminisce about it with Krista. And I think it’s because the two people in the picture don’t exist any more.

It’s strangely comforting, but at the same time it makes me wonder what compels us to hold on to bits and pieces of the past no matter how much we want to move on. Do we just naturally not want to forget things? It may explain why my grandparents have documented every facet of our family’s life (“You want to prove you were there!” as my grandpa would say).

Lately it’s been the opposite of that. You live through events and you meet new friends or lovers, yet there’s no reason to document every single thing that you do.You don’t know how it’s going to turn out in the end. And when it’s all over, the necessity for living proof can either kill you or make you smile.

OK, I have no idea what point I was trying to make here, but I had to kill time while my laptop’s hard drive was being erased. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense.


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