escape is never the safest bet

Well I’ll be damned.

I came back from running errands today to find a large brown envelope on the coffee table in the living room, addressed to me. The sending address was from Kutztown University. Apparently, I am officially a graduate of that institution.

Opening the envelope was a textbook example of a bittersweet moment. I wasn’t excited or elated. But I wasn’t angry either. After all that has happened in the past few months, I couldn’t have cared less about having physical evidence of my achievements in education. I don’t have anything to show for it yet.

I opened the folder and removed the tissue paper, and there it was. The most expensive piece of paper I have ever laid eyes on. I had “successfully completed the studies prescribed for the degree of Bachelor of Arts”. Then it became the most expensive kindling I have ever laid eyes on. If I only had a fireplace…

After a few more seconds, I started getting upset. Maybe it was because I was finally done with Kutztown, a place that gave me more emotional scars and gray hairs than anywhere else. Maybe it was because I thought I’d be in a different place in my life at this point, with a job and not still sharing a room with my brother. But I think it was because eight months ago, I thought I’d be happy to be finished, because I was unhappy then. But being home hasn’t made me happy either. I guess I’m a miserable person. That would explain all the ex-girlfriends.

The idea of me being a college graduate is rediculous. Was I really “successful”? I received D’s in Spanish III and IV, and I forgot everything I had learned in those classes two weeks after commencement. English major graduation requirements stated that I had to pass (a.k.a. just get credits) two classes of an intermediate language. The new graduation requirements however states that you have to get at least a C in the same area, so I lucked out by not being in the class of 2009. 

It just goes to show that anyone can get a degree nowadays. I do think I learned a lot about writing though, so I wasn’t a complete waste of government loans. But college is the final frontier. The real doesn’t care about you or your degree. Employers really just hire the candidate who will be the most convenient choice. You can be a complete idiot and get a $40,000 a year starting salary. I’ve seen it happen.

There are no jobs in New Jersey. I know this because the news tells me so. In New York, it’s impossible to find a job, considering one NYC employment agency took 6 weeks to get around to putting my resume into their system. My ex-girlfriend is trying to convince me to move to Boston, but I don’t know how the economy is doing up there. I’ve been applying to jobs up there anyway. 

I suppose the main problem I’m having is that I am not thinking outside the box. I haven’t wrapped my mind around the fact that there are more than three states in the Union yet (There’s a South Dakota?!). But the last time I left my New Jersey nest, I wound up in Kutztown for three years and got burned… repeatedly. 

The one thing that I’ve been banking on is that everything will work out in the end. I’ve always thought that my life in particular was 99% bullshit and 1% luck. Even when things have been at their worst, somehow injustices will right themselves or I’ll get bailed out of failing at life (and believe me, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit). I guess this mantra has  made me a bit lazy.

And as for my diploma? I ate it.


franklinface6sxPicture unrelated…


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