seasick, yet still docked

First things first: Morrissey’s Years of Refusal does not suck. It’s clearly better than Ringleader of the Tormentors, but at this point it’s become apparent that he’ll never fully recapture that 1990’s magic (even though “Black Cloud” could have been plucked from the Southpaw Grammar sessions). All in all, it’s a 7.5 on the Pitchfork scale.

But let’s get down to business, shall we?

By the end of this week, two of my friends will be engaged, bringing the grand total to 5 engaged friends. This is not acceptable. Sure, I am happy for them, but now I am starting to realize that I am actually a grownup… a grownup who still throws a shit fit whenever he gets hit with the blue shell in front of the finish line in Mario Kart. Even scarier is that my parents are starting to ask about grand kids. Yeesh.

I am in no rush to get married though. In the grand scheme of things, 23ish is still really young. Plus, I’m not sure how many girls would want to date someone who’s unemployed, lives with his parents, and throws a shit fit whenever he gets hit with the blue shell in front of the finish line in Mario Kart. What the fuck, Nintendo?!

This marriage explosion is a bit unnerving however. Meeting girls after college is a completely different game… it’s reminded me that I don’t know how to meet new people. There’s something about meeting girls in bars that I find incredibly unappealing, partially due to the fact that I have no game to speak of, but also because I’d never want to meet my future wife while slamming back car bombs and screaming about the NFC East. That’s something to do AFTER we’ve already started dating.

When you see your friends starting to get engaged, it forces you to think about all the previous relationships you’ve had. Specifically, how they went wrong (but that topic is a dead horse I’ve beaten one too many times). But once you get past that you think about what went right, and I think it helps you realize what your best qualities are and what you’re looking for in a partner. All you need to do wait for the right person to come along and hope everything clicks. 

On the positive side, the weddings will be a chance to take advantage of an open bar. Once I get 9 beers in me, I’ll be ready to do the Soulja Boy. 




P.S. My Mario Kart Wii friend code is 1762-6769-2304.

fucking_blue_shells1I will probably fuck you up.


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