mystery achievement

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that real life is far scarier than what was indicated at graduation. The commencement speakers told us to “go forth and be great” and all that fairytale bull shit. But what do they care, they have careers. And after they tell us things are going to be all right, they go back to their offices and laugh at how we never had a chance. Right now, I’m applying to jobs that are more or less designated to ITT Technical Institute graduates. And even those jobs aren’t calling me back. And from what I’ve seen, if you don’t have a degree in business or science, you’ll never find a job. Seriously, I’ve applied to jobs where I have been more than qualified and have heard nothing back.

I should start networking more, but with whom? I barely know anyone who is in the position to put in a good word for me. I did have my dad at Merrill Lynch, but as of tomorrow it doesn’t even exist any more so that’s now completely out of the question.

I am honestly waiting for a piano to fall out of a building and kill me. I can’t even secure a menial job, let alone anything remotely related to my major. Right now, I am filling out an application to teach English in Japan. I’m actually qualified for the job and it’s a realistic option. If I don’t even get a call back, I may as well throw away my diploma (when it finally arrives after eight fucking months). I could have saved everyone a lot of valuable money and time and stayed at Brookdale.

Maybe I should have joined a frat. Maybe I should have gone straight to grad school.  Or maybe I should have kissed the ass of every teacher I had, like all the other English majors that I despised. 

It was a mistake to think that someone gets hired based on experience. Life is literally about who you know and not what you know. Why do you think so many idiots have jobs? And to think, I wanted to write for television and the movies… I can’t even get a fucking job at a record store. I am so scared that if I compromise, I’ll never have the career I want. But the bills need to get paid, right?

All this coupled with the crippling anxiety I’ve been feeling lately makes me feel pathetic and old. It’s tiring, really. I want to go to sleep… wake me up when it’s over.


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