This is my great-great-great grandfather, Simon Selsman:
Can you see the resemblence? And notice the bad-ass Jew beard… that’s how they get shit done in Russia.
Then there’s his son Rueben, seen here:
Great moustache. It’s obvious where Tom Selleck got the idea to grow one from.
Anyways, Rueben begat Abraham (seen pictured with my Nana!!!):
We Jews are classy. Fun fact though… Abe’s sister Molly made really high quality stuffed animals. Here’s an example:
When I was born, she gave me the red monkey. Thank God it wasn’t a clown.
So then Abe and Sadie had my grandma Phyllis:
My grandparents married at the age of 20, and currently bust my balls to no end about being 23 and not having a nice Jewish girlfriend.
So of course, my grandparents had my dad and blah blah blah you know the rest:
As you can see, Jake and I are too cool for this family shit.
And that’s just half of my dad’s side of the family… I can’t imagine how much more Hebrew it can get!