4:13 fail

Dear Robert Smith,

Has it really come to this?

Artwork aside, this is your weakest album. Yes, it’s worse than The Top, but I am willing to let you slide since you were on so many drugs at the time. First of all, you sing like Bobcat Goldthwait after he was kicked in the balls. Please refer to your first four albums to remind yourself how to sing correctly. You seriously sound as if you are taking a 45 minute dump, and you ate too much matzoh.

Secondly, the arrangements sound nothing like The Cure. I know it can be hard to come up with original music after putting out 12 albums, but it seems like you just stopped trying. And worst of all, it’s boring. Let’s face it: you are not Jimi Hendrix. I know he’s your hero and whatnot, but mimicking your idols rarely works (i.e. Morrissey in 1987). The Cure I know and love is very straightforward but hooky. If you needed to spice the music up, you added a synthesizer and called it Disintegration. And that was pretty awesome.

When I heard that Porl Thompson was rejoining the band, I nearly shat myself. And when The Cure became a four-piece again, I really thought you were going to return to your mid-1980’s sound. But then you release this album, and it makes me wonder if you even remember that The Cure used to be a nihilistic goth band (even when you were getting commercially successful)!

From my point of view, you’ve been touring in support of Wish for 16 years now. There hasn’t been a consistent album since! Even as a rabid fan, I couldn’t care less about your last four albums; I’ve been curious and hopeful, but ultimately disappointed. 

So please, either quit while you’re ahead or return to your roots. Remember, you are one of the forefathers of goth. You’ve changed the sound too much but kept the look, and frankly, you’re starting to look like a poseur.

Love,

Ben

P.S. YOU USED TO BE SUCH A BADASS! WHAT HAPPENED?!

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