I turned 23 on Friday, and as usual, my parents talked about my birth and how joyous of an occasion it was. It got me thinking about the future and if I too would start a family. But then I thought about all of my ex-girlfriends and realized that we’ll probably see the second coming of Christ before I get married.
Anyone who has known me long enough is familiar with my endless string of relationships from high school all the way up to January of last year. I was never too comfortable with being single, and I thought the only way to get laid was to be in a relationship. Well, this mindset led me into countless relationships that were doomed from the start, while others were fine until I got too comfortable and just assumed that I could do no wrong. One reoccurring problem in all of my relationships, I think, has been my lack of income. It’s hard to take someone out on a date when all of your money is going towards car insurance. I’m looking at you, NJ Manufacturers.
After Krista and I broke up over a year ago (can’t believe it’s been that long already), I had to take a step back and reexamine myself. The post breakup period was really, really bad, and to be honest I really don’t know who was wrong, but I do think our breakup was mostly my fault. I think we had something really great, but I squandered it by being lazy and cynical and selfish. Actually, now that I think about it, it was entirely my fault!
Once the summer of 2007 rolled around and I got away from Kutztown, I decided to take a new approach to girlfriends by not having one… under any circumstance. I think it’s better that I don’t get too involved with anyone until I feel like I’m ready to fully commit myself to someone. Being single has had a few snags though. There have been a few girls that I actually liked, but I kept my distance, not wanting to violate my new law. I didn’t want another Krista or Casey scenario and make myself look like a jerk. This time around, I’ve made myself look like a jerk before anything happened. It’s much different, you see.
There have also been a few girls who have liked me back but then completely fucked me over for no reason as well. At first it didn’t bother me, but after while it started to eat away at me and I resented being in the same room as them more and more. I thought it would be different, not being in a relationship and all, but it still hurts the same.
I know I’ll be ready for a relationship when I can get my act together. First of all, I need a job that pays well, a place of my own, and I need to learn to cook. That’s a given. But what I really have to do is learn to be more thoughtful, and to find someone that I really have things in common with. That’s been my Achilles heel for years now: I am a dick and I date girls that have completely different personalities than me. I mean I reallllly need to work on that, otherwise I will likely end up divorced (if I even make it as far as a wedding).
It’s funny when I look back and think about how I put such a huge emphasis on dating, as if the only way to be happy was to have a girlfriend. I guess it’s good that I got that mentality out of my system and I can move on and take a more mature approach to dating.
Wow I just spent 600+ words talking about relationships and maturity. I am getting too old for this shit.